Sentiments of the Wicked Sweet

Own Your Own Story

Last week I celebrated my 27th birthday. Naturally, I started reminiscing about my past, my personal story. About nine years ago, I was in a full blown battle with an eating disorder.

As a child, I was super anxious, had panic attacks, and even OCD. I was so afraid of dying. I didn’t feel safe in the world. At that time, I learned that food could comfort me in ways I didn’t know how to do on my own. I started to feel bad about myself and developed low self-esteem because of the way I was treating myself. I got picked on and felt gross. I didn’t know how to handle my thoughts. I never felt good in my body or about the way I ate.

Senior year in high school, I found my control. I started eating less. Way less. I saw myself getting smaller. I started exercising more and more. I started to gain control over my anxiety and panic. I even got more attention from boys. I felt so high because I finally was good at something, I was thin and nothing else mattered. I became obsessed. In just a couple months, I lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I was eating very little and on a very rigid schedule. I put this first before anything else. I avoided parties, family, or anything that I thought would set me off track. I avoided anything food related. I lost a lot more than weight. I lost friendships, fun, my period, my thick hair, and my connection to my intuition . After 3 years of food restriction and over exercising, my body’s hunger could not contain itself. I needed to be nourished. I needed food.

So I ate. A lot. I was compulsive and nobody knew it. I started binging on anything, especially the foods I had denied myself. I would leave functions to sneak eat in the bathroom, car, or anywhere private. I gained 30+ lbs. back and some extra in 2 months. It was drastic and made a major dent to my ego. I felt hot, uncomfortable, and depressed. I felt as if my worth went out the door. I hated putting clothes on. I hated looking at my closet at the clothes I used to prance around in when I was…thinner. I felt sucked in to this guilt / self-sabotage habit loop. I was mentally and physically at war with myself.

When I hit my rock bottom. I decided to write. It was midnight. I ate so much that day that I actually got sick, my body naturally rejected the food I put in it. I couldn’t sleep because I felt so ill, so uncomfortable, so full, and ready to just give up on myself. Somehow, I went downstairs on my computer and I started typing. I wrote…

“There has to be a way out. There has to be a different way. I don’t wish this pain on anyone in my life. GOD, I swear, I will get better. Help me get better and when I do I will help others. ”

So I got better.

My recovery journey was a slow, steady, yet rewarding one. I took action and got professional help. My boyfriend at the time, Kyle, introduced me to his sports mental management goal system. He used it for golf. I was a horrible golfer. So I used it for my personalized goals.
That was my first introduction to learning about the power of our mind, our thoughts, and that we can change our reality by changing our minds.

All that lead me to where I am today. Helping others find freedom around negative habits and beliefs. I still struggle, I still battle the obsession, the thoughts that tell me I’m gross. However, it doesn’t stop me from living and doing the things I love. I have to redirect myself, every damn day. Truth is, it doesn’t matter how much you weigh or what your dress size is. IT DOES NOT MATTER. What matters is how you treat yourself, how you feel in your body. Instead of working out to lose weight, work out to nourish your muscles. Eat healthy to have energy to do the things you love. I have learned to approach my disordered thinking with more kindness, love, and compassion. At the end of the day, you need to be happy with where you are now. I was not any happier being smaller. I am happier now more than I have ever been. I fill up on experiences with my good friends, with meaningful and uplifting work, and doing the things that nourish my body, mind, and soul.

Whatever path you are on, the first step is to forgive yourself. Forgiveness equals freedom. Use your challenge, your suffering as a pivotal turning point to change. Be grateful for the challenge as it serves a purpose. It is easy to focus on the negative side effects of our challenges. However, without it, how else would we evolve and transform? Use them as learning lessons. Get curious, what is the benefit of this suffering? Believe it or not, this is your bodies way of telling you…my darling, PAY ATTENTION !!!

“In the long run, you’ll be proud of yourself being able to push through the obstacles. The outcome is great and all but the journey is better because that will be your story” Kurt

Just take the first step and the path will show up later. You are worth the fight. Fight for yourself by asking for help. Message me. Message a therapist. Google. One step every day. The biggest thing was I had to accept myself as I was. I learned to stop waiting till I felt better to act. Now is the perfect time to start, now is always the perfect time.

So own your story. OWN the darkness. Shout it out loud. Express your secrets that nobody knows. Why? Because you never know who you might help heal. When we free ourselves from our past, we help others heal and do the same. Make the choice to be free from the darkness inside you. Shine the light of awareness on that dark spot.

All we need is a little inspiration, and I hope this is it.

From my heart to yours,

I believe in you.

Anna Elizabeth Nadolski

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Halloween Treats: How to Slow Down & Be Mindful

Halloween is right around the corner and most of our clients ( including me ) are already beginning to worry about how they will manage so much Halloween candy next week. The stash of candy sitting around the house, at work, or the treats at holiday parties can lead most of us to automatic patterns of just grabbing, devouring, and not paying attention to the process of eating. Instead of feeling numb or overwhelmed, we can shift our attitude from judgment to honesty. Fear to self trust. The best way to do this is by slowing down and being present.

Here are a have a few of my favorite tips that will help you slow down, beat overwhelm, and give you the confidence to choose wisely and enjoy Halloween.

1. CONTEMPLATE. Take plenty of time to scope the party room or candy basket. Notice what you really want. DO NOT DENY what you are craving. Start by becoming aware of what you want. Examine all of your options before picking one. Once you pick it enjoyyyy baby!

2. HOW SLOW CAN YOU GO? Chew slowly. Notice yourself chewing the food and truly tasting the party in your mouth. Notice how your jaw moves as you chew. Connect to the present by tuning into your physical sensations : sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell.

2. WAIT ON MORE. Fully enjoy one piece of candy from start to finish before you move onto the next bite or decide if you want another piece. Put a timer on. Place a gap between urge and reaction. This gives you time to check in and ask “How do I feel?”

3. HUNGER SCALE. Check in before and after you eat. On a scale of 1-10
(1 – being starving, irritable, extremely hungry)
(10 – feeling you need to unbutton your pants, very full, uncomfortable)
Just checking in will help you slow down. The mindful eater may say something like, “I just ate a meal and had a cupcake. On the hunger / fullness scale I am at about a 6.5. I am comfortably full. I know if I eat another cupcake it will put me over the edge. I know this craving will pass. Let me wait 20 minutes and if I feel hungry, I am more than happy to have another or at least take one home to enjoy later.”

4. SIT DOWN and stop multitasking. Before you eat, take a seat!!! This will help you reduce distraction, meaning less chances of you over eating.

5. EAT KINDLY. Plan on eating with the intention of being in full view of others. Notice if you have the urge to eat in a private setting. Ask what is triggering you emotionally to eat in private?

Other Tips:
– Be KIND and compassionate to yourself.
– Make sure you don’t skip out on meals. Aim for at least 3 well balanced meals. When we are hungry, we make poor choices that can increase your chances to binge on candy and sugar later. Choose foods that light up your world…think plant-based rainbows (veggies and fruits) on your plate at each meal and you will naturally want less later.

– Make a list about all the things you love about Halloween that doesn’t include food. Fill yourself up with fun rather than food. I personally love painting pumpkins, making crafts, and planning my costume. If you are headed to a party, bring a game like Cards Against Humanity or Jenga. If you are spending time with family, maybe plan on watching a movie together after trick or treating. Plan your evening around having fun and socializing. Filling up with laughs and good company will help you forget about any urge to eat.

– Set yourself up to succeed. Create a special vibe and treat Halloween as a special day by enjoying candy for a day or two, then throwing the rest away.

– Candy buy backs. Check out http://www.operationgratitude.com/. Or contact your local pediatric dental office. Some will do candy buy backs for a good cause.

Remember Halloween is one day, so remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself. When in doubt, just slow things down.

What are your personal challenges that you face during this time of year? We are here to support you at Wicked Fitness.

Anna is a Certified Health Coach and Yoga instructor. She weaves both worlds into one, to help others live more balanced, positive and healthful lives. Make an appointment today to find out more.

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